Intro -- IT IS WRITTEN: I know what you’re thinking. Oh great – another girl, another blog. You’re not wrong – BUT if you say that line with a little enthusiasm, you can almost grasp how excited I am about this. I have wanted to start a blog for a very long time, but I never thought that I could write something people would actually want to read. I got to thinking one day – I write songs and people actually like to listen to them, so why not just give it a go. I know that the people who have been following me for a while now will read this and I’m so happy that those people can be along for this part of my life, but what I also know is – there is someone out there who has never heard my name before reading this right now, and just know - I am happy you are here. This might run a little long because I am going to start this blog by giving you a run down on what Cheyenne is all about. I come from a tiny town in southern Illinois, called Newton. Sometimes I catch myself ragging on that place but I know I will always have a home there with my family and the many... many corn fields surrounding us. I moved to Nashville Tennessee a couple years ago in search of my “big break”. I am sure you have guessed by now that I am a singer/songwriter, and that is okay because that is how most people see me – but I want to be so much more than that - for other people, for myself, and for God. I am not one of those people who is going to shove the word of God in your face, but over the last couple years He has awakened something in me. He has changed me, and He has made me new. I feel like I would be doing a disservice to myself and to everyone else if I didn’t share the cool things happening in my life, God related and not. SO here we go, blog #1 - SEASONS.
Some people think that seasons are just spring, summer, fall, and winter. I am not trying to make you think otherwise because yes, those are what we call seasons. However, it’s the seasons in between those that we might not be aware of. Moving to Nashville I thought I had everything figured out. To me I knew exactly what my future held, and I knew exactly how hard it was going to be to get there... HA! The past four years of my life have been trial and error, over and over again. I thought I was just slowly getting to know this city and its people, but the funny thing is through the midst of it all… I was slowly getting to know myself.
Each human being has their own unique seasons. I added the word unique because God created them just for you, because we all have a different purpose in the world. I have been through MANY seasons over the last four years. Believe it or not I’ve been close to homeless more than once. I’ve won and I’ve lost. I’ve started and quit many jobs. I’ve had a ton of friends and I’ve had none. I’ve been in love and I’ve been alone. I could keep going but then you would more than likely get distracted by something else and right now is when I need your full attention. I know that those may sound like basic challenges everyone faces in their day to day life, but they are not. God uniquely designed each of those seasons for me. Remember how I said I thought I had everything figured out? Well, I am positive now that I never will. It took me years to be okay with that, and if we’re being honest I don’t really know if I am okay with it yet.
When you are going through a hard season, it is normal for you to shut down. It is normal for you to lock yourself in your room and binge Supernatural on Netflix. It is normal for you to push people away, when you really need them the most. The reason I am telling you this is because, there is no right way to deal with a hard season. There is no handbook titled “The Guide to Being a Girl in Your Early 20’s”, if there is I probably already read it and it didn’t help me at all. Whether you go to church or not - whether you believe in God or not.. He is always doing something new in your life. NEW – what a word. If you are anything like me you are not comfortable with new - with change.
For a while God has been making some huge changes in me and in my life. Over the last couple of months, I am not ashamed to say that there has definitely been more bad than good. From the outside looking in, you may not see it like that. Granted there has been many amazing things happen, and I am more than grateful for all of them. It’s what happens behind closed doors and off of Instagram that I am talking about. It’s the stuff I don’t tell people because I don’t want to seem weak… that has been changing me. I have always been a hands on learner - I think that’s why God and I have such a physical relationship. When he is doing something BIG in my life I can usually feel it coming. It’s not really something I can explain, but for the sake of trying – say you are out with your friends and you get hit on by the cutest person in the room… that nervous feeling you get in the pit of your stomach, that is what I am talking about. I got used to that feeling. I got used to God doing big things in my life.
Recently I have felt stuck and I could even come close to saying that I feel like I am doing everything wrong. I stopped talking to God because I felt like he wasn’t listening. Guess what? God is always listening. Most of us know that, but what’s even cooler is – God is always talking too. We get into this routine of the familiar. I am familiar with God being very present in my life, so naturally when he wasn’t - I freaked out. What I didn’t know was that the whole time I thought He had abandoned me, God was doing new things in my life. --- “Sometimes the greatest barrier to God is not what the Devil did to you, it is what God did for you in your last season that you expect him to repeat in this one (Steven Furtick).”
I have come to the realization that I am now in the season of self-exploration. Before today I thought I had it all figured out. I thought I knew exactly where I was going and exactly what I was meant to do. Last night was a rough one for me. As much as I hate to admit it, I had an emotional breakdown. From my eyes, my life was falling apart at the seams. What I didn’t realize is that for the past couple weeks I have been grieving. There are five stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I know what you are thinking – grief? That has nothing to do with what this chick is talking about. But, I was grieving. I was grieving the loss of the old me. That may be hard for you to wrap your head around but it’s true. The old me was a know it all. The old me would rather take the easy way out. The old me waited for God to part the waters, just so I could walk through them. It’s funny how we get so comfortable with who we are, when we are forever changing. God may not have been parting the waters for me anymore, but He sure as heck was making a way through the wilderness. I just had to believe that He was. I had to go through the heartbreak of losing myself, to realize that I didn’t even know who I was yet.
Life is a collection of seasons. Some cold, and some hot. Some good, and some bad. I am here to tell you today that it does not matter how you started this season of your life, it matters how you finish it. I did not skip through the lilies into this new season of self-exploration, but what I can assure you is that I will finish it strong. I will finish it with a better understanding of who I am and what I am meant to do. So that when the next season comes along, I will start it strong. If it is not good yet, God is not done yet. I know how hard it is to believe that, I struggle with it every day. I’ve spent my whole life trying to do great things. I want my family and friends to be proud of me. I want God to see me and be proud to call me His. I know now that God IS proud of me. He is proud of the woman I am becoming. He is proud of the person YOU are becoming. Obviously we will fall and scrape our knees from time to time, but He can’t always be there to put a band aid on it. Sometimes He can’t part the waters for you. Sometimes you can’t hear Him because He is teaching you how to part the waters on your own. Sometimes we go through these rough seasons because He is preparing us for the best season yet. So reader, my challenge for you in this next season is: quit trying to only do great things -- do all things for a great God. If you made it to the end of this and you don’t know God yet, believe me when I tell you – He is waiting to hear from you, and He is waiting to make you new - too.