What does love mean to you? Really take a second to think about that question. I wish I could name this blog “Understanding the Opposite Sex”, because Lord do I wish I knew. I wish this was going to be a guide for every young adult in America on how to find love, but it is not.
Over the last four years I have fallen in love and I have fallen right out of it. Social media has been a relationship ender from day one. In this generation we have the ability to cyber stalk our significant other. We can see who their best friends are on snap chat. We can see whose pictures they have been liking on Instagram. We demand to know their Facebook password because we are suspicious of who they have been messaging. – IT. IS. EXHAUSTING. Not to mention the public figures who post their fairy tale lives all over social media, and lead us to believe that we are doing everything wrong. Why can’t it just be simple? Why can’t we just meet the one we are supposed to be with and everything be perfect? Well, I am going to say it here and I am sure it is not the first time you have heard it – Fairy tales do not exist. Cinderella didn’t really lose a slipper at the ball. Belle didn’t really turn the beast in to a loveable man. Yet this is what we’ve known since we were kids.
Once upon a time, I thought that I could create my own fairy tale. I was with a man who lit up the room when he walked in. Everyone loved him, and I did too. It was etched into my brain that everything HAD to be perfect. While I was trying to create this perfect atmosphere I lost myself. I was no longer living my life for Cheyenne, I was living it for him. I would wake up and the first thing I would do is check my phone to see if I had received the infamous good morning text. I would schedule work around when I got to see him. I would spend mine and my parents money to fly across the US to see this man. Sometimes I would look myself in the mirror and not even recognize who I saw, but I didn’t care because everything HAD to be perfect.
*DING* - Another 3am text, “Will you pick me up, I can’t drive home.”
*DING* - “Sorry I missed dinner, I lost track of time.”
*DING*- “I promise I will meet your friends the next time I’m in town.”
Nothing he said or did could hurt him in my eyes, because for some strange reason it was all worth the occasional confirmation that he felt the same way I did. Why do we let people do that? Why do we let other people determine our worth? – I can tell you why I did. I was desperate for love. I wanted what they showed me in movies, and what everyone gushed about on social media. I’ve been like that since I was little. Always searching for love. Always searching for something I didn’t have. I wanted a fairy tale and it took me living a nightmare to realize that they don’t exist. I was so lost in the thought of being in love that I didn’t realize what I was putting myself through. I didn’t even know who I was anymore.
THAT is the problem. We get so caught up in what love is supposed to be like, that we stop loving ourselves. That saying, “You can’t love someone else until you learn to love yourself” IS TRUE. No one else can define who you are. No one else knows your heart, except for you. Judy Garland’s personal assistant once said, “It was like 50% of her was missing, and that 50% had to be supplied by the love of a man.” - That was me. I was Dorothy on the outside, and the Tin Man on the inside. Always in search of my heart. Now I know that my heart lies within ME, and no one else can help me find it. Reader, your heart lies within YOU. No one else can give it to you, and no one else can take that away. They say there is someone out there for everybody, and I really do believe that… but I don’t even want to meet that person until I have taken control of my own life. I don’t want to meet my forever until I learn to love every inch of every piece of myself – because only then will I be able to give them the love that they deserve. Stop looking for your special someone, and start looking inside yourself. Learn to love your mistakes, your stretchmarks, your nervous ticks… that is what makes you, YOU. We can do it. We can fall in love with ourselves. We are special – We are Unique – We are WORTHY.
One day, when you least expect it that person will come along and fit perfectly into YOUR puzzle.