It Is Written.

Tin Man 

What does love mean to you? Really take a second to think about that question. I wish I could name this blog “Understanding the Opposite Sex”, because Lord do I wish I knew. I wish this was going to be a guide for every young adult in America on how to find love, but it is not. 

Over the last four years I have fallen in love and I have fallen right out of it. Social media has been a relationship ender from day one. In this generation we have the ability to cyber stalk our significant other. We can see who their best friends are on snap chat. We can see whose pictures they have been liking on Instagram. We demand to know their Facebook password because we are suspicious of who they have been messaging. – IT. IS. EXHAUSTING. Not to mention the public figures who post their fairy tale lives all over social media, and lead us to believe that we are doing everything wrong. Why can’t it just be simple? Why can’t we just meet the one we are supposed to be with and everything be perfect? Well, I am going to say it here and I am sure it is not the first time you have heard it – Fairy tales do not exist. Cinderella didn’t really lose a slipper at the ball. Belle didn’t really turn the beast in to a loveable man. Yet this is what we’ve known since we were kids. 

Once upon a time, I thought that I could create my own fairy tale. I was with a man who lit up the room when he walked in. Everyone loved him, and I did too. It was etched into my brain that everything HAD to be perfect. While I was trying to create this perfect atmosphere I lost myself. I was no longer living my life for Cheyenne, I was living it for him. I would wake up and the first thing I would do is check my phone to see if I had received the infamous good morning text. I would schedule work around when I got to see him. I would spend mine and my parents money to fly across the US to see this man. Sometimes I would look myself in the mirror and not even recognize who I saw, but I didn’t care because everything HAD to be perfect. 

*DING* - Another 3am text, “Will you pick me up, I can’t drive home.” 

*DING* - “Sorry I missed dinner, I lost track of time.” 

*DING*- “I promise I will meet your friends the next time I’m in town.” 

Nothing he said or did could hurt him in my eyes, because for some strange reason it was all worth the occasional confirmation that he felt the same way I did. Why do we let people do that? Why do we let other people determine our worth? – I can tell you why I did. I was desperate for love. I wanted what they showed me in movies, and what everyone gushed about on social media. I’ve been like that since I was little. Always searching for love. Always searching for something I didn’t have. I wanted a fairy tale and it took me living a nightmare to realize that they don’t exist. I was so lost in the thought of being in love that I didn’t realize what I was putting myself through. I didn’t even know who I was anymore. 

THAT is the problem. We get so caught up in what love is supposed to be like, that we stop loving ourselves. That saying, “You can’t love someone else until you learn to love yourself” IS TRUE. No one else can define who you are. No one else knows your heart, except for you. Judy Garland’s personal assistant once said, “It was like 50% of her was missing, and that 50% had to be supplied by the love of a man.” - That was me. I was Dorothy on the outside, and the Tin Man on the inside. Always in search of my heart. Now I know that my heart lies within ME, and no one else can help me find it. Reader, your heart lies within YOU. No one else can give it to you, and no one else can take that away. They say there is someone out there for everybody, and I really do believe that… but I don’t even want to meet that person until I have taken control of my own life. I don’t want to meet my forever until I learn to love every inch of every piece of myself – because only then will I be able to give them the love that they deserve. Stop looking for your special someone, and start looking inside yourself. Learn to love your mistakes, your stretchmarks, your nervous ticks… that is what makes you, YOU. We can do it. We can fall in love with ourselves. We are special – We are Unique – We are WORTHY. 

One day, when you least expect it that person will come along and fit perfectly into YOUR puzzle.

The Me I Wanted To Be 

I just found this. I was looking through my computer for song lyrics and I stumbled upon a Facebook post I wrote last year. It is so unbelievably crazy how time can change us, and most importantly how it can heal us.


Cheyenne Goss


My Monster


I already know what you’re thinking. “This is so long and most likely not that important”, and if you choose to scroll past this then I truly hope you have a fantastic day! If you are still reading I want you to know that while this may not be important to you, nothing has ever been more important to me up to this very moment. So, as I sit here with my hands shaking so profusely that I can barely type please know that this IS important.. and this is the REAL me. I already have one million thoughts running through my head, and believe me they aren’t pretty. What will everyone think of me after this? Why am I even doing it? Will they even really care? … And here we are at the root of my problem. I am about to tell everyone that takes the time to read this, who Cheyenne really is. I have always and will forever care way too much about what others think of me. You see all of my pictures, you read all of my posts, you listen to all of my songs.. but you’ve never truly met the person behind the camera, behind all of the smiles and fun. Honestly, I don’t even know if my parents have really truly met her. I have an amazing life and I have always been extremely blessed. I am truly one of the happiest people you will ever meet, but when I am home alone and away from all of the hussle and bussle I am also one of the most insecure and anxious people you will EVER meet. It all really started in highschool. I was NEVER the prettiest or “coolest” girl, but oh lord that doesn’t mean I didn’t try. I still try.. I try and try to the point where I make myself physically sick from all of the worry. I try to the point where I can’t eat because I am so nauseous. I try to the point where I don’t sleep at night because all that is running through my head is “how can I be better than I was yesterday”, I am literally the definition of a Try Hard. I have lived my life with this little voice in the back of my head always pushing me to be better and always telling me that I cannot fail. I do not and will not EVER blame anyone for that other than myself. Maybe it’s just how I am wound. In high school I was bullied by people who were no better than me but made me feel like I would never amount to anything. I am not saying that I was never the bully because I definitely have fallen guilty to that as well. Past high school and into college, I thought maybe things would change and maybe I could completely start my life over. No one knew who I was, or even knew I existed for that matter. I was wrong.. because I am always running. I am always running from disapproval and disappointment. I would sometimes catch myself in little white lies because I would never think before I spoke, and now I know that all I ever really wanted was approval. I have lost many friendships and relationships because I am not able to love them how they deserve to be loved. I found out that I simply cannot love them until I fully love myself. I realize that I always preach about loving the skin you’re in and being thankful for everything God has given you.. and let me be the first to tell you, that makes me a hypocrite. I need to learn to take my own advice before I can expect anyone else to, and I thought that maybe the more I talked about it the more I would start to believe it myself. I am constantly morphing into what those around me want me to be. I am jumping back and forth confused because one day I am wearing too much makeup and the next day I walk in to Target without any on and hear people talking about how disgusting my acne scars are. I am confused because one day I am too fat and need to lose weight and the next day I am too skinny and need to eat a cheeseburger. I am confused because sometimes I find myself believing that even my best friends are talking poorly about me. Why do I care so much? I honestly cannot tell you. I wish I didn’t care and I know it is selfish of me, but it is something I have and always will struggle with. In today’s society there are so many expectations. Some of us feel like we have to live up to them, or maybe even surpass them for that matter. And for those of you that feel that way, I just want you to know that you are NOT alone. I don’t know if we call this anxiety, or if there is some super fancy word that I have yet to hear.. but what I do know is that you are NOT alone. I cannot stress that enough. Every single day I catch myself feeling so alone and thinking, why me. Why am I the one that has to be constantly worrying, and constantly terrified of what those around me think? The time has come for me to actually work on myself and start to realize that God isn’t putting me through all of this just to suffer and I need to start believing that something truly beautiful will eventually come out of this.. I know there is going to be the select few of you who comment on this and tell me that I am beautiful in my own way, loved by many, and that I have nothing to worry about.. and while I completely 100% appreciate that and love you to pieces.. I will still feel the same at the end of the day, and that is something I cannot change. I know there will also be the ones who think I am doing this only to get attention, and MY OH MY are you wrong. Do you think I want to be telling everyone that I practically drive myself crazy every single day? Do you think I want everyone to know that I am not as strong as I seem from the outside looking in? Absolutely not. BUT. If this so much as helps ONE SINGLE PERSON realize that they are NOT alone, that they ARE loved, and that they will ALWAYS have someone to talk to… I will have done my job. I wish I would have opened up to someone when I was at my lowest points, because I know deep down that there is always someone who will listen.. but that is just not the person I am. I am that person that will push every single problem further and further away until it comes rushing back at me like a stampede of wild animals. Don’t be like me. Don’t hide your problems, talk about them. I am HERE for you. Your family is HERE for you. Your true friends are HERE for you. Most importantly, God is HERE for you. Today hitting that “post” button will be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I will honestly be surprised if I even make it that far. I have a monster inside of me that I am finally letting out, and will I be fine and dandy after this? No, of course not. I will still be fighting this monster for the rest of my life, but I cannot express to you how amazing it feels to finally let it out of the cage for once. It literally feels like a heavy weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. So please just do one thing for me. Open your cage, and let your monster run free. You are not doing yourself or anyone else any favors by keeping it locked away. I understand it’s hard and I understand that you are worried about the outcome… but I also PROMISE you that it will never get better if you don’t take a chance. Today I took a chance by finally telling you about my monster. It is okay, not to be okay. 

Hello, my name is Cheyenne MaKenna Goss.. nice to finally meet you.


How Incredible. Not even a year later.. and I am now the girl I once wished I was. I am the girl I so desperately wanted to be when I wrote this. I have fallen in love with myself, and most importantly I have fallen in love with God. I realized that it doesn't matter how you start the race, it only matters how you finish it. So reader, my message is this - it will get better. You will find yourself again, and you will grow to like him/her. You will be happy. From one kid to another, trust in Him. You won't regret it.


Intro -- IT IS WRITTEN: I know what you’re thinking. Oh great – another girl, another blog. You’re not wrong – BUT if you say that line with a little enthusiasm, you can almost grasp how excited I am about this. I have wanted to start a blog for a very long time, but I never thought that I could write something people would actually want to read. I got to thinking one day – I write songs and people actually like to listen to them, so why not just give it a go. I know that the people who have been following me for a while now will read this and I’m so happy that those people can be along for this part of my life, but what I also know is – there is someone out there who has never heard my name before reading this right now, and just know - I am happy you are here. This might run a little long because I am going to start this blog by giving you a run down on what Cheyenne is all about. I come from a tiny town in southern Illinois, called Newton. Sometimes I catch myself ragging on that place but I know I will always have a home there with my family and the many... many corn fields surrounding us. I moved to Nashville Tennessee a couple years ago in search of my “big break”. I am sure you have guessed by now that I am a singer/songwriter, and that is okay because that is how most people see me – but I want to be so much more than that - for other people, for myself, and for God. I am not one of those people who is going to shove the word of God in your face, but over the last couple years He has awakened something in me. He has changed me, and He has made me new. I feel like I would be doing a disservice to myself and to everyone else if I didn’t share the cool things happening in my life, God related and not. SO here we go, blog #1 - SEASONS

Some people think that seasons are just spring, summer, fall, and winter. I am not trying to make you think otherwise because yes, those are what we call seasons. However, it’s the seasons in between those that we might not be aware of. Moving to Nashville I thought I had everything figured out. To me I knew exactly what my future held, and I knew exactly how hard it was going to be to get there... HA! The past four years of my life have been trial and error, over and over again. I thought I was just slowly getting to know this city and its people, but the funny thing is through the midst of it all… I was slowly getting to know myself

Each human being has their own unique seasons. I added the word unique because God created them just for you, because we all have a different purpose in the world. I have been through MANY seasons over the last four years. Believe it or not I’ve been close to homeless more than once. I’ve won and I’ve lost. I’ve started and quit many jobs. I’ve had a ton of friends and I’ve had none. I’ve been in love and I’ve been alone. I could keep going but then you would more than likely get distracted by something else and right now is when I need your full attention. I know that those may sound like basic challenges everyone faces in their day to day life, but they are not. God uniquely designed each of those seasons for me. Remember how I said I thought I had everything figured out? Well, I am positive now that I never will. It took me years to be okay with that, and if we’re being honest I don’t really know if I am okay with it yet. 

When you are going through a hard season, it is normal for you to shut down. It is normal for you to lock yourself in your room and binge Supernatural on Netflix. It is normal for you to push people away, when you really need them the most. The reason I am telling you this is because, there is no right way to deal with a hard season. There is no handbook titled “The Guide to Being a Girl in Your Early 20’s”, if there is I probably already read it and it didn’t help me at all. Whether you go to church or not - whether you believe in God or not.. He is always doing something new in your life. NEW – what a word. If you are anything like me you are not comfortable with new - with change. 

For a while God has been making some huge changes in me and in my life. Over the last couple of months, I am not ashamed to say that there has definitely been more bad than good. From the outside looking in, you may not see it like that. Granted there has been many amazing things happen, and I am more than grateful for all of them. It’s what happens behind closed doors and off of Instagram that I am talking about. It’s the stuff I don’t tell people because I don’t want to seem weak… that has been changing me. I have always been a hands on learner - I think that’s why God and I have such a physical relationship. When he is doing something BIG in my life I can usually feel it coming. It’s not really something I can explain, but for the sake of trying – say you are out with your friends and you get hit on by the cutest person in the room… that nervous feeling you get in the pit of your stomach, that is what I am talking about. I got used to that feeling. I got used to God doing big things in my life. 

Recently I have felt stuck and I could even come close to saying that I feel like I am doing everything wrong. I stopped talking to God because I felt like he wasn’t listening. Guess what? God is always listening. Most of us know that, but what’s even cooler is – God is always talking too. We get into this routine of the familiar. I am familiar with God being very present in my life, so naturally when he wasn’t - I freaked out. What I didn’t know was that the whole time I thought He had abandoned me, God was doing new things in my life. --- “Sometimes the greatest barrier to God is not what the Devil did to you, it is what God did for you in your last season that you expect him to repeat in this one (Steven Furtick).” 

I have come to the realization that I am now in the season of self-exploration. Before today I thought I had it all figured out. I thought I knew exactly where I was going and exactly what I was meant to do. Last night was a rough one for me. As much as I hate to admit it, I had an emotional breakdown. From my eyes, my life was falling apart at the seams. What I didn’t realize is that for the past couple weeks I have been grieving. There are five stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I know what you are thinking – grief? That has nothing to do with what this chick is talking about. But, I was grieving. I was grieving the loss of the old me. That may be hard for you to wrap your head around but it’s true. The old me was a know it all. The old me would rather take the easy way out. The old me waited for God to part the waters, just so I could walk through them. It’s funny how we get so comfortable with who we are, when we are forever changing. God may not have been parting the waters for me anymore, but He sure as heck was making a way through the wilderness. I just had to believe that He was. I had to go through the heartbreak of losing myself, to realize that I didn’t even know who I was yet. 

Life is a collection of seasons. Some cold, and some hot. Some good, and some bad. I am here to tell you today that it does not matter how you started this season of your life, it matters how you finish it. I did not skip through the lilies into this new season of self-exploration, but what I can assure you is that I will finish it strong. I will finish it with a better understanding of who I am and what I am meant to do. So that when the next season comes along, I will start it strong. If it is not good yet, God is not done yet. I know how hard it is to believe that, I struggle with it every day. I’ve spent my whole life trying to do great things. I want my family and friends to be proud of me. I want God to see me and be proud to call me His. I know now that God IS proud of me. He is proud of the woman I am becoming. He is proud of the person YOU are becoming. Obviously we will fall and scrape our knees from time to time, but He can’t always be there to put a band aid on it. Sometimes He can’t part the waters for you. Sometimes you can’t hear Him because He is teaching you how to part the waters on your own. Sometimes we go through these rough seasons because He is preparing us for the best season yet. So reader, my challenge for you in this next season is: quit trying to only do great things -- do all things for a great God. If you made it to the end of this and you don’t know God yet, believe me when I tell you – He is waiting to hear from you, and He is waiting to make you new - too. 

Love, Chey.

Hello there  -

This is my safe place. This is the place that I say everything I cannot fit into my songs. This is place that you, and I, can discover cool new things about ourselves.
Have a go at it...